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Sephiroth: Your reasons are probably stupid. *scowls* It’s not natural to want to willingly poison yourself, I hope you realize. You didn’t even want to listen to me, or sit there and put up with me as I was trying to learn and teach myself how to… well… *scowls further at her, then shakes his head* Fine, teach me if you want. I don’t care.
Jenna: Most would say that it’s not natural for one’s goal in existence to be to kill both oneself and the one that torments that one at the same exact moment. But shit happens. *indifferently shrugs then scoots closer to him* Well, you’ll have to start by putting your hand on some part of me.
Sephiroth: *deeply scowls at her, then turns his head away, still insulted from being pushed away before* No way in hell. I said you could teach me. As in explain. I’m curious to find out, sure, but there is no way in hell that I am going to do it again.
Jenna: *Deeply frowns at him and moves to gently press her hand against his right cheek. She rubs her thumb against his chin* Look.. I’m sorry. I wasn’t in my best of mental states. *shakes her head* I am not perfect. I will be the last person in the multiverse who would ever claim that I am the ideal of perfection. *deeply frowns* If you want.. I suppose I can try to explain why I had the breakdown..
Sephiroth: For this one, or in general? *his scowl softens as Jenna rubs his chin, and he slowly turns his head back towards her* I’m not entirely sure if I want to know. *tentatively reaches out to place a hand on her shoulder*
Jenna: *glances down at his hand then looks into his eyes, softly speaking* I’m not quite certain that I understand your question. For this one, or in general? *shakes her head* Sorry, but that doesn’t make sense to me.. *scoots even closer to him so that he doesn’t have to strain to even reach her*
Sephiroth: You said you were going to explain your breakdown. This particular one you had last night, or your breakdowns in general? *furrows his eyebrows slightly as he notices her looking at him, covering up any other emotion he might have been feeling with his usual annoyed scowl* Just tell me what to do for now.
Jenna: *Sighs* I suppose they’re all connected for the most part. *frowns at his scowl* For the record, you are not tricking me with your act. *shakes her head then calmly speaks* Let’s start by trying to grip onto my shoulder without causing me pain. Just gently grip onto it. *moves her hand down to his neck* Notice how my touch is gentle and not forced?
Sephiroth: *frowns at her comment, then relaxes his brow again, his expression one of slight confusion and awkwardness. He takes a deep sigh, then shakes his head, moving his hand and fingers across her shoulder blade in a very gentle caress* I don’t think that is right.
Jenna: Well, it isn’t a massage, no. However, it’s not the rough squeeze that felt like you were trying to squash my shoulder that you did last night. It definitely feels much better. *lowers her own hand, whether or not Sephy was ready for her to break contact as she considers where to start with explaining her own mental track record* I suppose before I start giving you an explanation as to last night.. how much do you know of me?
Sephiroth: *shrugs* There was that frozen wasteland you told me about. Apart from the incident that occured there, not that much, really. I know of you, does that count? *moves his hand across her back, then begins to slightly increase the amount of pressure in his touch, managing a sort-of massaging movement with his fingers* If you want to explain what motivated you into wanting to poison yourself last night, go ahead.
Jenna: *is silent for a moment as he begins attempting a massage then shakes her head. She subtly sends him a telepathic message that contains the instructions as to how to properly give her a massage. Then she releases a soft sigh* You make it sound like it would be such a simple and straight forward answer… *shakes her head* To say the least, it is a commutation of years of… not so pleasant experiences. *frowns even more* And I must admit that I’ve used alcohol quite frequently for centuries now… I suppose even I have to admit that would lead toward an addiction.
Sephiroth: So you weren’t pissed off at me, or drinking because Aeris was in your quarters? *slowly nods his head as she gives him the information on how to properly give a massage, then he moves behind her, flicking her hair out of the way so he can place his hands on her back and properly massage her upper back and shoulders. He is a little aggressive and rough at first, but soon eases into doing it properly*
Jenna: *holds her breath as he starts off, not wanting to insult him by pulling away again, but afraid that she’d come away with several broken bones. Once he settles down, she releases her breath and shakes her head* Remember what I said about that gentle thing… try to slow down just a bit more. *coughs* And no, it had mostly nothing to do with you.
Sephiroth: Mostly nothing to do with me? *raises an eyebrow, his curiousity piqued at the statement* Explain. *continues to rub and massage her back, seeming to find it comforting himself. He begins to hum after another few moments, humming the tune to one of the songs he used to listen to in the laboratory on the radio whenever the workers put it on*
Jenna: *Sighs at him* I suppose I can say that the fact that you’ve.. prior to last night.. seemed reluctant to really do much other than follow me if you didn’t have any other option.. *shrugs* I was disappointed and then started drifting to other negative thoughts and.. *shakes her head, not wanting to continue on with her current explanation* It wasn’t truly about you..
Sephiroth: *raises an eyebrow at her for a moment then shakes his head* Phhh. What am I supposed to do? Find my own things to do? If you left me to my own devices, I would probably start killing off your native inhabitants, or I would fly off your island to explore your planet.
Jenna: *faintly frowns* Statements like those.. *shrugs and sighs* I also thought I had pushed it a bit too much when I let you know about sex… *sighs* I suppose I can’t say that I am the most confident creature to ever exist. *glances back at him* Still, it was only a trigger, not the actual problem.
Sephiroth: If that was only the trigger, what was the actual problem, then? *tilts his head slightly, slowing down with his massage as he tries to get a look at her face* You don’t strike me as a very impractical person, yet, you would want to poison yourself over something. That does not make sense.
Jenna: *deeply scowls, not particularly wanting to think of the sources of her problems. However, she takes a deep breath then begins to slowly stream a telepathic signal to Seph. It starts slowly, only giving flashes of how she was ignored and considered worthless when she was growing up and living on Halcyon. However, the floodgates eventually open as she thinks of Sesshou. It starts with the deal she made with Sesshou in order to gain more power for herself, wanting to prove herself. And continues on to how Sesshou killed off all that Jenna thought was important and claimed it was what Jenna herself had wished to happen.
She allows Seph to feel the scarred bits of her psyche that were caused by first trading a snipet of her soul with Sesshou, and then worsened by Sesshou’s attempt to undermine her and claim Jenna as her own by force.
Then, there are indications of another trigger. Namely, memories of her first visit to a human village, where she helped a random boy from drowning by using her magic. Due to her help and her lack of knowledge in english, she was proclaimed a witch and burned at the stake. From that point, her memories get fuzzy, but there is an indication of fire and screams.
There are several other memories that Jenna transmits to Sephiroth, but they are less coherent and clear* I hope that explains everything.. *deeply frowns, not liking the fact that she had to think of all of that in order to show it to Sephers*
Sephiroth: *just remains silent for the mostpart as he receives Jenna’s telepathic memory signals, deeply scowling partway through the transmission. He slowly shakes his head after she is finished, not knowing what to say at first* I see… *lowers his head, scowling further* I do not approve of ending your life or poisoning yourself, but there is nothing you can do about your past. I cannot do anything about mine either. About the only thing either of us can do is keep on moving forwards.
Jenna: *mutters* I’ve lived quite a long time so far, Seph… I’ve encountered little that was new or to look forward to in that time. *lowers her head and closes her eyes, trying to recompose her thoughts* I don’t expect you to understand my goals…
Sephiroth: So you think that’s it? *snorts* You think there’s no more for you? Its easy to understand your goals if you think you have none. *shakes his head* No matter how much you poison yourself with the foul smelling liquid, it still won’t change the past. *reaches over to massage her upper back again, being much more co-ordinated than before*
Jenna: I never said that my reasons have ever been that which another can hope to understand.. *shrugs then tilts her head to watch him for a few moments. After a short bit, she slowly pivots to face him and slides in closer to him* May I.. may I do one thing? I promise that it won’t hurt. I just..
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